Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Rolling with the Roller Coaster.

I'm doing ok. It's kind of a miracle.

My husband spent the first night at home last night in about 10 days. Not because he wanted to or's not like he likes me or whatever. He just felt really sick and didn't have anywhere else to go.

I am his safe haven. I wish he were mine. Maybe one day, he will be.

I have found serenity in this situation. I cannot change my husband. I cannot even change his heart. His rejection of me is hard, and it makes me sad sometimes--I just don't believe it's really him rejecting me. It's him in his sickness, not him.

Every now and then, I see a tiny glimpse of my real husband. It's far away, like he's across a field, inside a house, behind a door. I can see him peeking through a tiny window. He's still there, just kind of trapped right now.

My love is patient, though. It is also kind. It forgives, protects, trusts, hopes, and always endures. I'll be waiting for him on the other side.